Introduction

These words were written by a man in his 70s who started drinking in his 20s. He began making these notes after his wife discovered the evidence of his addiction that he had worked so hard to hide from her. His wife found them among his papers after he suddenly and unexpectedly died in 2012 from a massive heart attack. He had relapsed again before he died. He did not share any of these notes with her while he was living, with the exception of some journal entries during treatment in 2009.

She is bringing these words to life now with the hope they will help people who struggle with addiction, as well as aid their friends and loved ones in understanding what it’s like to live with an addiction. In the spirit of Alcoholics Anonymous, she is respecting his anonymity. Who he was in life is not what matters – his words are his legacy.

The YouTube video, “Reflections of an Alcoholic 5 Weeks Before Death,” was based on the first two documents she found after her husband’s death. As time went on, she found these other writings included here in a variety of notebooks and loose papers. It was very difficult to read them all, especially the letters to her that he never gave her at the time. It took years to come to the point where she could organize them to share with the wider world.